Sonshine Bulletin

THE SONSHINE BULLETIN
SB vol. 17, No.3

A free Bulletin that contains quips, quotes, jokes and words of encouragement.

This Bulletin is sent out free by Larry and Paula Neff, founders of the Lighthouse Children’s Homes in Costa Rica, India, Mexico, Thailand and Panama. The Lighthouse provides a Christian home for unwanted, abandoned and orphan children.

Please visit our website at: lighthousechildren.com

Mailing address: Lighthouse
P.O. Box 730
Kosciusko, MS 39090

If you would like to send a joke, quip or quote to be used in the Sonshine
Bulletin please send it to: larrylneff@gmail.com
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FIVE THINGS YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR FROM TECH SUPPORT:

1. “Duuuuuude! Bummer!”

2. “In layman’s terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect.”

3. “Your problem can be fixed, but you’re going to need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape and a car battery.”

4. “Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you’re with ’60 Minutes.’ Press 3 if you’re with the FTC.”

5. “Hold on a second, please … Mom! Timmy’s hitting me!”
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A QUESTION FUNNY

Interviewer: “Tell me Miss Cromwell, if you could have dinner with any person, living or dead, who would it be?”

Miss Cromwell: “The living one.”
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POINTS TO PONDER

I avoid clichés like the plague.
Went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now am the proud owner of Aisle 4.
I was stunned last night when my wife told me I was too wrapped up in myself. When did I get a wife?
I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.
Circumstances will change, but some things never change. Our rejoicing can be consistent if we are finding joy in things that remain the same.
The most precious gift in the world is free – salvation through the finished work of Calvary
It’s better to walk alone, than walk with a crowd going in the wrong direction.
If God shuts the door – quit trying to open it.
I was visiting a monastery recently and I saw a sign that read, “In case of fire, break vow of silence.”
I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
Don’t just tell me I’m burning the candle at both ends — tell me where to get more wax!!
“Most people recover from deadly diseases better than I recover from Daylight Saving Time.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
Don’t take a fence down until you know why it was put up.
A dollar may not go as far as it used to, but what it lacks in distance, it makes up for in speed.
If a woman’s work is never done, why bother?
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ADVICE FROM AN OLD FARMER

~ Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
~ Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
~ Live a good, righteous life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
~ Don’t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none.
~ Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
~ If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
~ Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
~ The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.
~ Always drink upstream from the herd.
~ Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
~ Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
~ If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around.
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NEFF’S NOTES

LIGHTHOUSE – THAILAND

Exciting news from Thailand! One of the boys has accepted Christ and has become a child of God. Glah, 9 yrs.old, trusted Christ in Church last Sunday. He is very excited and will follow the Lord in baptism soon. He is also doing well in school and now he is doing well spiritually. He is full of energy and has a desire to be used of the Lord. The Home has recently been rewired and other updates have been finished. Once we receive our final paperwork from the government we are ready to take in more children.

LIGHTHOUSE – COSTA RICA

The children are all doing well in school and in their Christian growth. A group of 9 of the children will travel to the U.S. with Terry and Sally. They will spend over 2 months in the states. They will be traveling to Churches to sing, play their instruments’, give testimonies and thank the Churches for their faithful support. Please pray for their safety as they travel.

LIGHTHOUSE – MEXICO (Boys Home & Girls Home)

Please pray for Rocio: She has turned 18 and we had a wonderful party for her. She is going to spend one month with her mom and then she plans on returning to the Lighthouse before she goes off to Bible college. Rocio has been with us for several years, she has some learning disabilities and Bible college will be a challenge for her. I am confident in her determination and with the prayers of God’s people she will make it.

LIGHTHOUSE – PANAMA

Back to school: the girls at the Lighthouse Home in Panama are ready to start the school year after having their summer break. We have two girls that are in fifth grade, eight that are in high school and four that are in college which are not in the picture. We are very happy and thankful that they have the opportunity to study and we ask you to pray for each of them.

LIGHTHOUSE – INDIA A TESTIMONY FROM ONE OF THE GIRLS

I am Meka Durga Bhavani. I lost my mother when I was very small. As I am growing up I was sick for a while. My relatives took me to a hospital. I saw the nurse who is taking care of me. Then I thought when I grow up I want to become like her, a nurse. When I came to Lighthouse Home I started studying hard towards the goal. After passing High school, then Intermediate college, I had the option to take whatever course I want to pursue, then I took the nursing. After passing the general nursing course (GNM), now I am studying Bachelor of. Science. Nursing which I will finish next year. Pray for me, as I reach my goal, for my health, spiritual life, and mental health to fulfill what the Lord wants me to do. Thank you for your prayers and support.

Thank you for your prayers and support for these children. Without your help we would not be able to provide for them. Please pray with us that God will allow us to open another Home. Currently we are praying about several needy locations.

The Night Cometh,
Larry and Paula Neff
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A BURGLAR FUNNY

A burglar broke into the home of a good Quaker gentleman.
From upstairs, the Quaker heard the noises below and realized there was an intruder.
He took his hunting rifle to the top of the stairs and announced: “Friend, I mean to do thee no harm, but where thou standest is where I am about to shoot.”
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A CAR FUNNY

Jill’s car was unreliable and she called John for a ride every time it broke down. One day John got yet another one of those calls…

John: “What happened this time?”
Jill: “My brakes went out. Can you come get me?”
John: “Where are you?”
Jill: “I’m in the drugstore.”
John: “And where’s the car?”
Jill: “It’s in here with me.”
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A TOUR FUNNY

A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry. As they went by the Tower of London the cab driver explained what it was and that construction of it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412.

The Texan replied, “Shoot, a little ol’ tower like that? In Houston we’d have that thing up in two weeks!”

Next they passed the House of Parliament – started in 1544 and completed in 1618.

“Well boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!”

As they passed Westminster Abbey the cab driver was silent.

“Whoah! What’s that over there?” asked the Texan.

The driver replied, “I don’t know, it wasn’t there yesterday.”
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DEVOTIONAL THOUGHT – WHY CHURCHES NEED TO HAVE REVIVALS
(From Lawrence Hufhand)

Number 1. Revivals gives sinners an opportunity to come to Church with a friend in order to get saved. There’s something about Revivals that energizes Church members to invite friends or a neighbors to come to Church with them.

Number 2. Revivals affords stragglers and strayers an opportunity to get their hearts right with God and get back into fellowship with the Lord. I know people don’t need Revivals to do that, but Revivals are a natural for that sort of thing. I’ve seen it happen time and time again. I had a man in my Church that was so up and down with his Christian life, I was at loss to know what to do to help him. We had an old fashion hard preaching Revival and that fellow came forward and got down on his knees at the altar and wept his way back into fellowship with the Lord. He became one of my most faithful men and even became a deacon until the Lord took him home.

Number 3 Revivals give the saints a reason to rejoice. Jesus told us in Luke 15, that the angels in heaven rejoice every time a soul gets saved or comes back to God. The same is true of Godly saints. I’ve had Revivals in my Church in Tipton, IN where more than 50 people got saved in one meeting. One such meeting took place on the Easter Sunday following a two week Teen Retreat. I’m never seen anything like it before or since. It was a blockbuster Revival. Teenagers were getting saved every night of the Revival and people were rejoicing like I have never seen them rejoice. That meeting went from Sunday morning to Sunday morning, and at least 35 teenagers got saved, plus several adults and children. If there was no other reason to have Revivals, it would be enough to see people rejoice in the Lord.
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A CHURCH FUNNY

While I was preaching in a church in Mississippi, the pastor announced that their prison choir would be singing the following evening. I wasn’t aware there was a prison in the vicinity and I looked forward to hearing them.

The next evening, I was puzzled when members of the church approached the stage. Then the pastor introduced them.

“This is our prison choir,” he said, “behind a few bars and always looking for the key.”
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ACTUAL BLOOPERS FOUND IN CHURCH BULLETINS

Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Taylors. Bring your own hot dogs and guns.
The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.

“Announcement in a church bulletin for a National Prayer & Fasting Conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting & Prayer conference includes meals”
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p. m. Please use the large double doors at the side entrance
Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please use the rear entrance.
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